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Thursday, May 3, 2012

Reading RAMBO



Okay, RAMBO lovers, last week we gave you the beginning of a RAMBO story and asked you to finish it for us. Our entry this week comes from Adam Martin, and it will blow your eyeballs through the back of your skull. And remember, if you have a Reading RAMBO submission, email us here.


To refresh your memory, we'll reprint the beginning of the story below. Adam's contribution begins after the jump.


Rambo XX: Murderbots from Beyond the 5th Dimension

As the movie opens, RAMBO is living high in the Himalayas, breeding white tigers for a living and carving elaborate bas-relief sculptures in the cliffs with his fists. He is also caring for a set of septuplets, and we see a cheerful montage of RAMBO and the kids playing catch, cooking together, etc. They are identical septuplets, and all look exactly like a MacGyver-era Richard Dean Anderson -- which is odd, as they're only eight years old, and four of them are girls.

As the montage ends, we see the septuplets sitting on the ground in a semicircle, gazing up in adoration as RAMBO teaches them how to make a fully functional speedboat using only a single sheet of cunningly folded newspaper. Just as he's about to start up the boat, an overhead skylight bursts (which is odd, since they're outdoors at the moment) and THE GENERAL bungee-jumps into frame.

"Thank god I've found you, Rambo," THE GENERAL says. "The world needs your help!"

"The only people who need my help, General, are these kids," RAMBO replies. "After my brother Rimbo died in that skeet-bowling accident, I swore I'd raise his seven identical children as my own. And that's just what I intend to do."

"If you don't help us, Rambo, the only thing you'll be raising is a set of identical -- um -- sept...deadlets. Septdeadlets." THE GENERAL looks unsatisfied, but he can't think of anything wittier.

"You don't mean--" RAMBO gasps.

"Yes," says THE GENERAL. "Your brother Rimbo's death was no accident. He was assassinated by your old enemy: Merlin!"

---------------------------------------

Monday, April 30, 2012

Ask RAMBO

 TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Heartbroken in Hoboken asks: RAMBO, I have a crush on an older girl at school. She's so beautiful, and I know she's well out of my league. I can't help daydreaming about her, but I was sure she didn't even know I existed. That is until the other day when I overheard she and her friends talking about me and giggling. I have a slight speech impediment, and they were making fun of me, imitating me and so on. I know I should move on, because the object of my affection has turned out to be cruel and shallow, but what can I do? I'm still fixated on her! How can I get over the heartache, RAMBO?

That's rough, heartbroken. I remember this guy I knew in Nam. No more than a kid, really. He would always talk about how when he got back home, he was going to take his Army money and buy a convertible Chevy. Drive it down Route 66 with the top down. He was always laughing and joking, always the clown. Then came the Tet Offensive. He survived, but something inside him died. I never heard him laugh again. He never got that Chevy. Last I heard, he was still in Saigon, playing Russian roulette for money. He never came home, but who can blame him? Can you ever really come home from something like that?


Girls sure are a mystery!
Ever faithful,
RAMBO

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Reading RAMBO


Hey, folks. This week we've got a special edition of Reading RAMBO: A story assignment. Here's how it works: Below the jump, I'll provide you with the beginning of a RAMBO plot. Your mission: Pick up the story where I left off. Send your submissions here. The best ones will find a place on the site!







Monday, April 23, 2012

Ask RAMBO


TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Guilt-ridden in Grand Rapids asks: RAMBO, I can still see their faces. Hear their screams. Anyone who tells you killing from above as you scream over the Vietnamese jungle in an F-14 is easy is a liar. Have you ever strafed anyone with a 50-cal? All that's left is a reddish mist, and the knowledge that you can never be certain if they were friend or foe. How can I make the nightmares stop, RAMBO? How?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Gore You Know...

TASTE MY FIST, KNOWLEDGE!

As you know, Wednesday is traditionally Reading RAMBO day. But alas, we have not received any submissions this week! Could it be that you've all been beaten into timid submission by the sheer literary force of our previous Reading RAMBO entries? Nevertheless, we have faith in you. Somewhere out there there's a RAMBO sequel gestating that will shake the very foundations of existence when it's finally born. Could it be yours? Email us here.
In the meantime, howzabout some sweet, sweet RAMBO fast facts?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Art of War

Today's Art of War is once again brought to you courtesy of our upcoming RAMBO cartoon. Here's another small taste ahead of the world premiere of RAMBO XVI. Make sure to tune in on Thursday. It's going to explode your eyeballs.



Monday, April 16, 2012

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Ticked Off in Tulsa writes: RAMBO, I have a neighbor who's a bit of a talker. She's always cornering me and subjecting me to long monologues about neighborhood gossip, what her kids are doing, or her (ill-informed) political opinions. I don't like to be unfriendly, but every time she gets going, I can count on at least a 20-minute delay before I can extricate myself. It's gotten to the point that I actually check to make sure she's not out in her yard before I head to my car in the morning. How do I gently let her know that I don't always have time to listen?

Friday, April 13, 2012

My RAMBO of the Week

RAMBOwned!

Finally, a worthy entry to My RAMBO of the Week! Our winner of the $20 Amazon gift card is Matthew Cross, aka Derty Sowf. Derty completely RAMBOed his week, and is well deserving of the title. If you want to make your case as My RAMBO of the Week, email me here. I can't promise a gift card every week, though. What, do ya think I'm made of gift cards?
Last week I laid waste to some of the seediest jungles in the world… Corporate America. I’m stationed in the Accounting Division and like Rambo, I was drastically undervalued. So in the honor of Saint Rambo and Fleetwood Mac, I went my own way and landed two job offers in the same week by nailing two interviews. Both were bountiful raises. Then my company counter-offered by creating a position just for me, paying me more than both offers and letting me work from home. My wife and I celebrated by making an American stew out of three different types of meat and drinking an American brew… Bud Light Lime. Consider this week Rambo’d!!


Derty Sowf

Thursday, April 12, 2012

RAMBO OF THE WEEK

RAMBO XV: The Legend of Curly's Gold 

As the film opens, we learn that RAMBO has set about forming an all-star, perfectly multi-ethnic dance crew to compete in the world street dance championships. We watch him travel from country to country, recruiting wildly stereotypical dancers by winning their loyalty in a series of dance-offs. Appallingly, the characters are all named after their stereotypical traits.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

READING RAMBO


This week's READING RAMBO submission comes to us from Cameron Mefford, author of the very first READING RAMBO. Once again, you're in for a story of such towering awesomeness that it should be packaged with anti-head-explosion pills.


RAMBO XXXVII: Tomb of the Medusa Stone 

As the film opens, we see RAMBO sitting in in a dense armchair made out of the bones of his enemies, petting a Bengal tiger. He sits in a room filled with piles of jewels and gold coins. He is wearing a silk robe and a golden crown.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Art of War

This week's Art of War is a bit different. Instead of fan art, this week is a sneak preview of things to come on RAMBO of the Week. Below are some stills -- and a trailer -- for our upcoming RAMBO cartoon short, Rambo XX: Kiss of the Dragon Lotus. Watch for it here! In the meantime, here's a taste of what's to come:



Monday, April 9, 2012

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!


Annoyed in Abilene asks: RAMBO, I know it's cliched, but I just can't get along with my mother-in-law! She's constantly showing up unannounced, and has a habit of nitpicking every little thing I do. She always seems to make passive-aggressive remarks about my housekeeping, my cooking or the way I discipline the children. She and my husband are very close, so I'm hesitant to stir up trouble. Should I confront her or just learn to live with it?
 
Thanks for writing, Annoyed. When taking out an enemy sentry, silence is the watchword. There are many who would advise a high-powered sniper rifle, and there's much to be said for killing from relative safety a quarter-mile away, but I'll never be able to go past the tried and true compound bow. There's something visceral - almost beautiful - in dispatching your quarry with a perfectly targeted steel-tipped harbinger of death. But make sure you hit him directly in the trachea. The last thing you need is his screams alerting others to your presence. Believe me, the look in his eyes as he realises his fate will ring out louder than any scream ever could.

In-laws sure are a pain!
All my love,
RAMBO

Friday, April 6, 2012

RAMBO OF THE WEEK

RAMBO XIV: My Dinner With RAMBO

Editor's note: Sorry about the missed posts this week, Rambo lovers! Computer problems have held me up, but never fear; guest admin Ryan Smith is now posting material for me. So without further ado, here's this week's RAMBO of the Week!

The film opens in a darkened art studio, illuminated only by the occasional flash of lightning. In the centre of the studio, RAMBO stands regarding a gigantic slab of marble.

"The Smithsonian wants this sculpture by Tuesday," he says aloud, in a bit of very forced exposition. "I guess I better get to work."

RAMBO begins to punch the slab of marble, knocking away chunks until it is slowly transformed into a life-sized statue of RAMBO sitting atop a horse.

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Note: This week's Ask RAMBO comes to us from Ryan Smith. Thanks, Ryan!


Agnostic in Alabama asks: RAMBO, I was raised in a pretty conservative religious household, and the church has always been a big part of my life. Well, in the last couple of years I've really started to reevaluate my belief system, and I've realized there are a lot of things about organized religion that I just can't buy into any longer. In fact, I think it's fair to say at this point that I've lost my faith. However, I know that my deconversion would shatter my very devout parents. Should I be honest with them about my doubts, or hold my tongue out of deference to their peace of mind?

Thanks for the question, Agnostic. As I slid my knife into the guard's belly, yanking upward and spilling his intestines as if I were dressing out a buck, I realized he wasn't much more than a child. A child with hopes, dreams, fears. A child with his first kiss, his first heartbreak, and so much more still ahead of him. A child who was dying now, all those dreams fading in the filthy pile of his own spilled entrails, just as the light was fading from his eyes. I thought I saw a brief flash of comprehension in those eyes, the realization of all that I was robbing from him, just before the darkness swallowed him in its cold and loveless embrace. Then he was gone. God wasn't there that day, my friend. Only me and that boy. I see his face some nights when I try to sleep. When the demons come. And deep down, I know he's the lucky one. Oblivion may be uncaring, but there are no nightmares there.

Boy, parents can be tough to talk to, can't they? :)

Love,
RAMBO

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Art of War

This week's entry again comes to us by way of Ryan Smith. Come on, people! You can't let Ryan do all the heavy lifting here! Anyway, he took up the challenge to create a poster for RAMBO VII: Night of the Were-Tiger, and he succeeded admirably. I have to say, giving that cat context doesn't make it any less terrifying.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Embarrassed in Edmonton asks: RAMBO, my friend sometimes gets really bad athlete's foot. He has tried all the over-the-counter creams and sprays but nothing works for him. Do you have any suggestions?

Dear Embarrassed. Setting a claymore mine is easy. Living with the consequences is the hard part. It's important to decide ahead of time your accepted level of collateral damage. Whether they be enemy sentries or merely innocent villagers just making a daily trip to the river for some water, claymores don't discriminate. If you're in the vicinity, the blast may deafen you, but it still won't drown out the screams of your victims. So before you set that mine and hunker down in the bush, ready to sweep up any survivors as they run terrified and confused in the aftermath, know this: That mine may be your only chance of making it out of this jungle alive, but it kills more than unsuspecting patrols. A little bit of your humanity dies too.

Change your socks often!
All the best,
RAMBO

Thursday, March 29, 2012

ROCKY of the Month

This week begins a new feature on RAMBO of the Week. The last Thursday of every month, I'll be taking a break from RAMBO sequels to focus on the next best thing: ROCKY sequels. Enjoy the inaugural edition of ROCKY of the Month! 

Rocky VII: Rockando Spinoza Alfonsini Credenza Balboa III

As the film opens, it has been 10 years since ROCKY's last taste of glory. He is destitute, living in a homeless shelter and has had to pawn his skeleton for food. Moreover, Adrian has come back from the dead, divorced ROCKY, taken away their adult children and subsequently died again.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

READING RAMBO

This week's reader submitted RAMBO comes to us by way of Kyle Stoeckig. I'm especially fond of the appearance of Dabney Coleman. Thanks Kyle!


RAMBO: First Blood Part III: The Right to Bare Arms

Writers note: This film uses the title structure as was outlined in the second RAMBO movie. Also, “bare” is not a typo as it refers to RAMBO'S insistence on never wearing a shirt.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Art of War

This week we have a submission from Di Stevens. Now, she sent this mind-bendingly insane pic under the hypothesis that this could be RAMBO's cat, Great Chief Crushfang. While that's entirely possible, I have another theory ...

 Look at that thing! If you stare into its eyes, you will see the exact moment and manner of your death. That, friends, is the physical embodiment of lunatic terror. Could it be that this is the titular beast from RAMBO VII: Night of the Were-Tiger? I think it is someone's duty to create a poster for RAMBO VII using this pic.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Note: This week's Ask RAMBO comes to us by way of the inimitable Jesse Carey, and I for one hope his contribution becomes a regular occurrence. Thanks, Jesse!

Pet Regret in Tulsa asks: RAMBO, My wife and I recently adopted a puppy from a local pound. He’s really cute and friendly. But now, he’s starting to eat all my shoes, have accidents all over our house, and he barks all night. I think we made a mistake. Does it make us bad people if we return the puppy to the pound?

Good to hear from you, Pet Regret. This is a tough one. I still hear their screams. To this day, I tell myself we were just taking orders, just doing what we were told to do. But when you’re the one raining down fiery death from the deck of an Apache helicopter, you know that at the end of your life there are no generals or politicians to answer. Only yourself. The stench of napalm and sounds of the inferno created by your hands are no ones’ nightmares but your own. And they always will be.

I love puppies!
With affection,
RAMBO

Sunday, March 25, 2012

RAMBO's regret

I'M VERY, VERY SORRY


Sorry everybody for missing this week's My RAMBO of the Week post. Unfortunately, I have yet to receive a submission from someone putting themselves forward as RAMBO of the Week. Plenty of RAMBO plots, a smattering of RAMBO artwork, but no one willing to put a hand up and claim the title. Remember, all I ask is that you tell me a story about how you absolutely owned your week. It can be funny, heartfelt or dramatic, but it must be true. There's still a $20 Amazon gift card up for grabs for the winner. Email me submissions here, or feel RAMBO's wrath.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

RAMBO OF THE WEEK

RAMBO XIII: The Beast of 10,000 Faces

The film opens on the London Olympics, and we see a leotard-wearing RAMBO who appears to be warming up for a gymnastics floor routine.

"And now RAMBO prepares for his final routine, which will decide the overall gold medal for the entire Olympics," an announcer says in voiceover.

RAMBO takes a few deep breaths, then begins to run across the floor. He turns several back handsprings and shoots into the air. The camera follows him upward as he grabs a parallel bar on which he turns several revolutions before releasing and somersaulting through the air once again. As he does, he pulls a bow seemingly from nowhere and shoots a bullseye as he flies past a target. Still flying through the air, RAMBO produces a shotgun with which he blasts several clay pigeons that come whizzing into frame. As he reaches the peak of his jump, a basketball hoop appears. RAMBO pulls two basketballs from behind his back, jams them through the hoop and shatters the backboard before beginning his descent. Falling toward earth, he hurls a discus, hammer and javelin offscreen in rapid succession, then twists, flips and quintuple gainers his way into a pool without making a splash.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

READING RAMBO


This week's reader-submitted RAMBO comes courtesy of Justin Whittinghill. Seriously, this RAMBO sequel is so monumentally amazing it defies logic. If, after reading, you find you are bleeding from your ears, do not panic. This is a normal reaction.

RAMBO XXXI: Bride of Midnight

The film opens with RAMBO seated at a grand piano, center-stage in an empty concert hall.  He wears a sleeveless tuxedo and alternates between playing phrases of a concerto and scribbling notes on a sheet of staff paper.  The camera reveals that RAMBO is playing with only his index fingers, yet the music heard is richly polyphonic and oddly includes a full woodwind section. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Art of War

Another entry this week, from Ryan Smith. As I said on Thursday, Ryan produced the poster for The Skeleton Army of Dr. Mephistopheles and then challenged me to write the accompanying RAMBO sequel. I only hope RAMBO XII: The Skeleton Army of Dr. Mephistopheles did this poster justice.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Agitated in Atlanta asks: I've been working at the same company for 12 years now. I work hard, contribute, and offer innovative solutions to the challenges we face. For about six months now, my manager has been grooming me for a promotion. Well, last week the owner of my company promoted his nephew -- a shiftless slob who only got the job as a favour -- and left me out in the cold! My manager is sympathetic, but there's nothing she can do. I am so fed up! Should I bite my tongue and learn to live with it, or quit?
 

That's a doozy, Agitated. I still remember as I snuck up behind the sentry, careful to control my breathing and keep the underbrush from rustling around me, I felt a moment of hesitation. This man had never wronged me. He was, like me, a soldier following orders. A nameless cog in the dread machine of distant geopolitical interests which ground so many of us to dust. I chose that day not to listen to the shrill voice in my head crying, "Don't do this, RAMBO! Turn back now, and become a man of peace!" As I slid my knife across his throat, I felt the hot, sticky flow of his very life's essence staining my hands. Somehow I knew immediately no soap would ever wash away that stain. Some things never wash away.

Hope that job works out!
All my love,
RAMBO

Friday, March 16, 2012

My RAMBO of the Week

 PWNED!

It's Friday, and thus begins a new segment for RAMBO of the Week: My RAMBO of the Week. Every week, we'll take a moment out of the utter absurdity to highlight someone who's been a champion for a good cause, lived life to the full or otherwise acted in a RAMBO-esque fashion. If you feel you've been RAMBO of your week, and totally owned life in one way or another, send me your story here. The stories can be heartfelt, ridiculous, dramatic or inspiring, but they must be true. Each week I'll pick the best story to run on the site. On offer for next week's winner is a $20 Amazon gift card.

This week's RAMBO of the Week is Damien Mander.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

RAMBO OF THE WEEK

RAMBO XII: The Skeleton Army of Dr. Mephistopheles

Note: Thanks to Ryan Smith for the title of this edition of RAMBO of the Week. Tune in on Tuesday to see Ryan's poster for The Skeleton Army of Dr. Mephistopheles.

The film opens with THE GENERAL walking up a steep, winding staircase cut into the side of a mountain. He climbs to the top to find an enormous Buddhist temple situated at the precipice. He is met there by a Shaolin monk.

"Where is he?" THE GENERAL asks.

The Shaolin monk takes THE GENERAL by the arm and leads him into the temple, stopping at the doorway and prostrating himself. RAMBO is in the centre of the temple, eyes tightly closed, legs crossed in the Lotus Position. He is levitating several feet off the ground.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

READING RAMBO


Every Wednesday, I'll be highlighting the best reader submitted RAMBO plots in the new feature, READING RAMBO. This week's submission comes from Cameron Mefford, who has written a RAMBO of such towering glory that even the bravest of men shall shrink at the sight of it. Well done, Cameron. If you want to submit a RAMBO, email me here.

RAMBO XXVII: The Dawn of the Phoenix

 The Movie opens with RAMBO bench pressing a freight train in the middle of the Sahara Desert.  Each time he lifts the train we hear an eagle screech.  We hear RAMBO say, "Nine-million nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine ... ten million. Now that I've warmed up it's time to start my workout."

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

RAMBO of the minute: All the RAMBO news you need

TAKE THAT, FOURTH ESTATE!

IGN reports that Sylvester Stallone is already hard at work on Rambo V, which is tipped to focus on RAMBO fighting Mexican drug cartels. Now, this would usually be great news. After all, the more RAMBO the world is exposed to, the more evildoers will think twice before following through on their fiendish plots. There's only one problem: RAMBO V has already been written, and it's about saving orphans and RAMBO's comeback as a Major League pitcher. I've already done the work for you, Sly. Tell you what: You can take RAMBO V: Revenge of the Wizard's Cloak. It's a freebie. A gift in return for all you've given the world. But from here on out, I expect to be consulted on these things.

The Art of War

As RAMBO of the Week is now a daily blog, I decree that Tuesdays shall be set aside for RAMBO fan art (assuming I get some). Today's RAMBO of the Week masterpieces come to us from Ryan Smith, who has made official posters for what would have been two of the highest-grossing films of all time. Get with the plan, Hollywood!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Ask RAMBO

Take that, questions!


Note: Hey guys. Now that Rambo of the Week has begun in earnest, I'm going to endeavour to update it on a daily basis. Thursday will continue to be the official Rambo of the Week day, with other days devoted to your submissions, RAMBO news, and regular features. With that said, I hereby christen Mondays "Ask RAMBO" day. Send RAMBO your most difficult conundrums and life decisions, and he will offer you advice only RAMBO is qualified to give.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

RAMBO XI: Tyler Perry's Rambo XI

Note: Tyler Perry is in no way involved in the production of this film.

As the film opens, THE GENERAL is walking down a futuristic hallway. We can tell it is futuristic by the strings of LED lights on the walls and its sparse industrial look. He is met by a man in a lab coat.

"Thank you for coming, great-great-grandson of The General," the man says.

"There's no time to waste," says the man we now know to be THE GENERAL's descendant (but who, for brevity's sake, we will refer to as THE GENERAL). "Take me to him."

The two walk down the hall to what appears to be an operating theatre, where they meet a man in a wizard outfit and poorly glued-on beard.

"Great-great-grandson of The General, this is ..."

THE GENERAL cuts him off.

"I know who he is. There's not a person alive who doesn't know Merlin, the greatest scientist in the world," THE GENERAL says.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

RAMBO X: Rambo vs. MechaRambo

The film opens on a winding mountain road. We see the Tour de France peloton arduously making its way up the steep incline. The camera then pans up an impossibly steep and winding grade, where several miles ahead of the other riders we see RAMBO pedaling a modified Harley-Davidson. He seems to be barely exerting any effort as he makes his way up the hill.

"I think it's about time I took a shortcut," RAMBO says.

He veers off the road, and pedals his bike directly up a vertical cliff-face. Below him in the distance, we see the peloton explode.

As RAMBO rides up the cliff, the camera pans over to reveal THE GENERAL sitting in a sidecar which was not attached to RAMBO's bike a moment ago.

"Rambo, I know you're retired, but I've got a mission only you can accomplish," he says.

"No thanks, General," RAMBO replies. "The only mission I'm interested in is bringing honour and repute back to the world of international cycling."

Thursday, February 23, 2012

RAMBO IX: Laser Space Patrol IV

Note: This week's RAMBO sequel comes to us courtesy of Ryan Smith. Thanks Ryan! If you have a RAMBO sequel to submit, email me here 

As the movie opens, RAMBO is living a secluded life in the Himalayas, making a living as a street corner mime. He even sports the trademark pancake makeup and black-and-white striped shirt; somehow, these only serve to make him even more terrifying. Also, the only thing he can express through mime is violent killing, and he's so intense that spectators' necks are often snapped from as far as twenty feet away.



Thursday, February 16, 2012

RAMBO VIII: The Tears of Atlantis

Uncharacteristically, the film opens on a dusty road leading to a vineyard. We see THE GENERAL pull up in a jeep where he is met by a man we are to assume is the vineyard owner. THE GENERAL steps out as the vineyard owner beckons urgently to him.

"You say he doesn't remember anything?" THE GENERAL asks.

"Not even his own name. He's been here a couple months, but I called you as soon as I found his dogtags," the vineyard owner replies.

"And the motorcycle wreck he was in? It was pretty bad, I take it," THE GENERAL asks.

"You tell me," the vineyard owner says incredulously. He gestures toward his right, and the camera pans to reveal a smoldering crater several hundred yards wide rimmed with still-burning trees.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

RAMBO VII: Night of the Were-Tiger

As the film begins, RAMBO is speeding around the track at the Indy 500. The scene cuts to the announcer's booth, where the announcer is visibly awed.

"I don't believe this!" the announcer exclaims. "Rambo has just lapped the entire field for the fifth time in a car he built himself out of steel he personally forged!"

We cut back to RAMBO speeding around the track. There are several slow motion shots of RAMBO's car passing different areas on the track, and each time a single dove flies across the screen.

Cut to the interior of the car, where a shirtless RAMBO is seated. The camera pans to his right to reveal THE GENERAL seated next to him. There is no indication as to how he got there, or why RAMBO's Indy car suddenly has a passenger's seat.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

RAMBO VI: The Cobra's Pearl

As the film opens, RAMBO, smartly dressed in a tweed sport coat, is lecturing at a university. From the context of his lecture, he seems to be simultaneously teaching calculus, archaeology and women's studies.

Suddenly, THE GENERAL appears in the doorway, clearing his throat to get RAMBO's attention.

"Excuse me class," RAMBO says.

Cut to RAMBO and THE GENERAL walking across the quad.

"Rambo, our worst fears have come to fruition. The moment you and I most dreaded," he says.

"You don't mean?"

"Yes," THE GENERAL replies. "Steam powered robots from the past have kidnapped Abraham Lincoln, and if we don't go back in time to stop them, neither of us will ever be born."

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