Ask RAMBO

 TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Heartbroken in Hoboken asks: RAMBO, I have a crush on an older girl at school. She's so beautiful, and I know she's well out of my league. I can't help daydreaming about her, but I was sure she didn't even know I existed. That is until the other day when I overheard she and her friends talking about me and giggling. I have a slight speech impediment, and they were making fun of me, imitating me and so on. I know I should move on, because the object of my affection has turned out to be cruel and shallow, but what can I do? I'm still fixated on her! How can I get over the heartache, RAMBO?

That's rough, heartbroken. I remember this guy I knew in Nam. No more than a kid, really. He would always talk about how when he got back home, he was going to take his Army money and buy a convertible Chevy. Drive it down Route 66 with the top down. He was always laughing and joking, always the clown. Then came the Tet Offensive. He survived, but something inside him died. I never heard him laugh again. He never got that Chevy. Last I heard, he was still in Saigon, playing Russian roulette for money. He never came home, but who can blame him? Can you ever really come home from something like that?


Girls sure are a mystery!
Ever faithful,
RAMBO

Reading RAMBO

Hey, folks. This week we've got a special edition of Reading RAMBO: A story assignment. Here's how it works: Below the jump, I'll provide you with the beginning of a RAMBO plot. Your mission: Pick up the story where I left off. Send your submissions here. The best ones will find a place on the site!

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Guilt-ridden in Grand Rapids asks: RAMBO, I can still see their faces. Hear their screams. Anyone who tells you killing from above as you scream over the Vietnamese jungle in an F-14 is easy is a liar. Have you ever strafed anyone with a 50-cal? All that's left is a reddish mist, and the knowledge that you can never be certain if they were friend or foe. How can I make the nightmares stop, RAMBO? How?

RAMBO OF THE WEEK

RAMBO XVI: Kiss of the Dragon Lotus

The Gore You Know...

TASTE MY FIST, KNOWLEDGE!

As you know, Wednesday is traditionally Reading RAMBO day. But alas, we have not received any submissions this week! Could it be that you've all been beaten into timid submission by the sheer literary force of our previous Reading RAMBO entries? Nevertheless, we have faith in you. Somewhere out there there's a RAMBO sequel gestating that will shake the very foundations of existence when it's finally born. Could it be yours? Email us here.

In the meantime, howzabout some sweet, sweet RAMBO fast facts?

The Art of War

Today's Art of War is once again brought to you courtesy of our upcoming RAMBO cartoon. Here's another small taste ahead of the world premiere of RAMBO XVI. Make sure to tune in on Thursday. It's going to explode your eyeballs.

Ask RAMBO

TAKE THAT, QUESTIONS!

Ticked Off in Tulsa writes: RAMBO, I have a neighbor who's a bit of a talker. She's always cornering me and subjecting me to long monologues about neighborhood gossip, what her kids are doing, or her (ill-informed) political opinions. I don't like to be unfriendly, but every time she gets going, I can count on at least a 20-minute delay before I can extricate myself. It's gotten to the point that I actually check to make sure she's not out in her yard before I head to my car in the morning. How do I gently let her know that I don't always have time to listen?